learning to live and love from a new perspective


I had a bad dream last night. We were at an amusement park, and somehow S talked me into taking her and G on a roller coaster. We waited in line together… but when we got to the front, the loading happened so quickly. When the roller coaster train began chugging up the track, the three of us were seated in three separate cars. First, G, then S, then me. My heart began pounding, and my stomach dropped to my toes. Not because of the increasing speed of the ride, but because I was picturing what would happen when we got to the end. What would happen to G when the metal bar lifted, and the laughing, smiling passengers disembarked from their carriages? He would be swallowed up by the crowd. How would I reach him? Oblivious to the air rushing past as the roller coaster hurtled up and down steel mountains, I pulled out my phone and began frantically texting D. Meet us at the exit! MEET US AT THE EXIT!!! The train pulled into the station, and there was D. Smiling at us. Waving excitedly. He could see S beaming with excitement. It wasn’t until our eyes met that he realized G wasn’t with us. In slow motion, I saw the metal bar on G’s car go up. On shaky legs, G got out of the train and started walking. Following the crowd, out into the swarms of people, drifting out of the fenced area, wandering towards the street. Like a crazy lady, I pushed through the crowd. Pardon me. Sorry. EXCUSE ME!!! Just as his foot left the sidewalk, and hit the unforgiving pavement of the busy street, I caught the hood of his blue jacket. Then I woke up.

There has been too much in the news lately about autistic children wandering off. My conscious mind knows that this is not something G does. I hope my unconscious mind will get the memo.



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