learning to live and love from a new perspective

Everything Sucks

It’s been one of those weeks. (Actually, three weeks…. But who’s counting?)

Everything sucks.

We all had lice. The discovery and treatment of the lice was two full weeks ago. I still feel like I’m still buried under mountains of laundry.

We all have lingering colds.   Not the kind that knocks you out so completely that you can’t do anything other than lie in bed, suck on cough drops, and count sheep until you finally drift into a feverish sleep. The other kind of cold, where you don’t have a fever, but you do feel depleted and grumpy and you take everything personally and snap at everyone who even looks at you slightly funny.

S had to have a tooth extracted. Not a huge deal, but because of the timing of the appointment, she ended up missing a whole day of school.

G had an EEG. The EEG was also not a huge deal, except for the fact that he had to be sleep-deprived so he only slept from midnight to 4 the night before, and then spent the whole next day being completely off-the-wall before he finally passed out at 3 in the afternoon.

And S was SO jealous that G got to stay up until midnight. You could almost see the envy oozing out of her, filling the air around her with an almost tangible angry energy.

G’s teacher has been on an emergency leave for the last three weeks. Things do not appear to be going terribly at school, thanks to competent substitutes and amazing support staff… but the regression in G’s behavior has been staggering. Temper tantrums, non-compliance, repetitive behavior… all the things that had decreased substantially in the fall… we are seeing all of it back in spades.

And S is SO frustrated with G’s behavior. She tries to initiate play with him, and he refuses. Or, he joins in a game but does it HIS way, which is intolerably silly. Or, he’s just generally mean and insensitive to the point that S leaves the room in tears.

 Everything sucks.

And me? I feel depleted. I feel like I’m being stretched into a million pieces… trying so desperately to meet G where he’s at right now… not setting the bar so high that he gives up without even trying, but not so low that this regressed behavior becomes the new normal. And trying so hard to meet S where she’s at right now… burying my own frustration and anger at G’s behavior so that I can offer her the empathy she needs.

I was planning to end this rant right here…. And just send this litany of woe out into the universe. But I reread it. And as much as all of it rings true, I know it’s not complete.

For, as much as the last few weeks have been hard, there have been the moments of good that always manage to seep in through the cracks when you let them.

Words of encouragement from friends.

Admiration for S and G as they endured uncomfortable medical procedures.

The unwavering support of a loving husband… even in the face of a partner who has been particularly snippy and not easy to love the last few weeks.

An unbelievably supportive team at G’s school

And most important of all is the knowledge that bubbles to the surface when the going gets tough. We love each other. All of us. Even at our most difficult, unlovable moments. Because we’re family. And we care about each other.   And all the lice, and colds, and tooth extractions and EEGs in the world can’t change that.

So, yes, ALMOST everything sucks.

Everything except the love.

photo 1 photo 2 photo 3

Images are:  Poor, sleep-deprived G hooked up to the EEG monitorthe “Good Luck” card that S spontaneously made for G on the morning of the test (completely unprompted), and S posing with her new friend, Dave the Minion

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